Service without burnout = bespoke design

Hi shiny humans!

"Bespoke lifestyle design" is the flavor of all my projects these days. I am flapping my way out of the cocoon of burnout recovery, trauma healing, and neurodivergent self-awareness integration — still stumbling, trying to walk with legs that aren't there anymore, and not sure what to do yet with these audaciously colored soggy new wings.

Adding "the right kind of stimulation" is an ADHD game I've been dabbling in. Being around aligned people and going out for fun events boosts my energy and mood, except when it tips me into overstimulation, which then cascades into masking and overwhelm and makes me feel like I've lost all my progress... until I get a good night of sleep and a quiet morning, and I realize I'm not regressing back into the hell of burnout — I'm just navigating life now.

"You'll feel better if you focus on helping others" is great advice for a lot of people, but not for someone like me. I am gravitationally oriented toward service and contribution. It's a deeply-embedded value from my upbringing. It happens all on its own. And it is the engine of my burnout.

I've written about trying to reposition myself as "an artist, not a service provider" to soften the impacts of this pull, but that didn't quite fix my navigational system (nor is it quite true, because... well... ¿por qué no los dos?).

Here's the perspective shift that's actually been helping:

When I focus on maximizing my contribution, I inherently limit it, because I shift into self-sacrifice.

When I focus on maximizing the health of my system, my best contributions naturally emerge.

By "my best contributions," I mean creations and services that are my...

• most thoughtfully informed
• most creative
• most sustainable (and nourishing) for my own energy
• most aligned with my values and desires
• most connected, curious, and collaborative
• most centered and present
• most unique and authentic to me

"Maximizing the health of my system" means doing what's best for me. Persistently. Relentlessly. Like it's my job.

Because it fucking is.

Nutrition, sleep, and movement. Curiosities, satisfactions, and delights. Creative inputs and outputs. Nourishing social support and belonging. Nature. Getting curious about what's draining me and fixing it. Getting curious about what lights me up and investing in it. Untangling patterns that cause tension and pain. Building new experimental ones that break social norms but actually work.

This is shockingly hard, even with abundant time and resources. There is soooo much internal friction — so many contrary beliefs and social patterns — in the way of this objective. I knocked over most of my life structures and am rearranging their pieces, designing something new from the ground up, and asking for major accommodations from the people in my life to do so. The squirm of "selfishness" feels like being naked in snowstorm.

But this is The Way.

And it's not just for the "luxury" of thriving. It is also the ethical responsibility of my path.

As I reengage with coaching, and as I get deeper into my training program to become a psychedelic coaching practitioner, it's clear that my own nervous system regulation is even more important to this work than my knowledge, training, and insights. My inner work is my bottleneck and my progress marker. My lifestyle design is my substrate for presence. I am only as effective as I am centered, accommodated, safe, and well.

("So we beat on, boats against the current...")

My loves, it is hard out there. It is scary af to be trans or first-generation, and gut-wrenching to hold a whole lot of other roles, too. It's not practical for many of us to set our wellness as our primary focus right now. This is clear and true and real and demoralizing and tragic.

And...

If you are a natural giver, and if you have any amount of personal access right now to focus on the health of your system, I invite you to treat that as your foundational commitment for your contribution.

The movement needs your gifts, and maintaining their health is your job.

Bespoke the fuck out of this, my loves.

In neurodivergent solidarity,
Sarah